Sometimes, when we’ve had a particularly rough day in my family (when we’ve had big emotions, when we haven’t been listening to each other as well as we would like, when voices have been raised and feelings hurt) we read Where the Wild Things Are at bedtime. It is a good choice to wind down a challenging day, because the book’s message is that no matter how wild you may get, you can always find your way back home.
And I know that life is not always that simple and relationships take work to repair, but I still want to make sure my kids know that I love them even when I am upset with their behavior. Getting mad is not the same as giving up. And reading that familiar, comforting story helps us all reset.
If you need a refresher, in Where the Wild Things Are, a little boy named Max misbehaves until he is sent to bed without any supper. From there, he goes on a (probably) imaginary journey to the Land Where the Wild Things Are. They make him King of All Wild Things, they have a Wild Rumpus and act out all their big, wild feelings, but eventually he gets tired and lonely and wants to go home. He gives up being a Wild Thing and goes back to his own room, where his supper is waiting for him after all, and it is still hot.
Something I love about this story is that it doesn’t try to tell Max not to feel his feelings. His behavior crossed a line, his mom needed a break, and he was mad about being sent to his room, but the story does not frown on or minimize his emotions. For the bulk of the book, we get to follow Max as he works through his anger and energy and comes back to understanding that he’s ready to be home again, where he knows that “someone loves him best of all.” When he gets back to his room, he is relaxed and content. You get the feeling that he’s ready to be tucked into bed after his warm meal.
As a parent, I try hard to maintain my equilibrium when my kids push my buttons, and honestly, sometimes I’m more successful than others. Ideally, I can model emotional regulation for them. I try to remember that their brains are still developing, and they are still learning the skills they will need in life to manage their emotions. That’s when I take a deep breath and call upon my reserves of patience – or maybe go sit in another room for a few minutes until we’ve all calmed down.
But I don’t have to find all the tools within myself. As a librarian and lifelong book lover, I believe that we learn to be human and navigate the world through stories. Books can give us role models, teach us about people who are different from us, and show us how to do important things — like regulate our emotions. They can also teach us that an argument is different from an ending, and that everyone makes mistakes.
All of us, but kids in particular, need to be wild sometimes. Every person feels anger, frustration, anxiety – all those big, wild feelings that we need to work through to find a place of peace on the other side. The tricky thing is figuring out how to progress through those feelings instead of getting stuck in them or trying to ignore them. And yes, sometimes picture books can help show us that it is possible give way to big feelings and still find our way back home.
My colleagues at JCLS shared some of their favorite children’s books about how to manage big feelings, and I’ve compiled a list here. Consider taking a look. You might find one that speaks to you or to a child in your life. We can all use the reassurance that when the emotional storm has passed and you want to be where someone loves you best of all, you can go back to your own room and supper will be waiting for you. And it will still be hot.